Category Archives: Dog

Beer Can Chicken

When I told my two older kids (ages 6 and 4) that I was going to make chicken on the BBQ by sticking a PBR up a chicken’s butt, they thought one of two things: “Dad is lying” or “That is awesome”. Either way, they were super-psyched to see me finally put one of my BBQ-themed Fathers’ Day gifts to good use.

Such a simple design

I went with a super simple rub of brown sugar, paprika, garlic salt, seasoned salt, sage, rosemary, and cayenne pepper.

Sweet, savory, and spicy

I cracked open one of my Schlafly Pumpkin Ales to help me along. It’s like drinking a pumpkin pie, if the baker had a very heavy hand with the pumpkin pie spice and he also made it high alcohol. Yet another fancy sippin’ beer from Schlafly.

Download the Schlafly beer app

I discarded the neck and guts, then coated the chicken in and out with the rub. Before the bad beer anal probe, I tossed in some garlic cloves that could sautee and add a little extra flavor.

Ready for chicken

On went Mrs. Cluck.

Don’t mind this. This is doctor’s orders.

And then promptly onto the BBQ pit over semi-direct heat, breast side to the coals.

Chicken and corn… simple yet satisfying

After 30 minutes, I had charred the hell out of the breast skin. No matter, since I don’t eat the skin. Perhaps a more controlled burn next time. I rotated 180 degrees and continued.

Beer can juices steaming nicely

Why let a healthy corn and chicken meal go unchecked? I made up some Brussels sprouts on the stove top… quartered and sauteed with a pound of chopped bacon, half stick of butter, and half a diced onion of course. It cooks in less than an hour and makes an amazing side dish.

An exceptionally unhealthy veggie

Finally, the chicken was ready to come off the grill for service after about an hour and 15 minutes or so, having been verified with a few thermometer readings in the breast meat.

PBR suppository – not FDA approved

This is as simple as it gets. You don’t really even need a chicken can rack. You can just jam the can up there and make a tripod with the chicken legs and the can, but I prefer the stability.

What a wonderful dinner, another hit with the kids. It was super moist throughout, and the meat was tender and flavorful. Hopefully they don’t think sticking beer cans up butts is acceptable in any other animal application.

Speaking of other animals, I’m sorry to report that Samantha moved on to Doggie Heaven in mid-June, way ahead of her time. It was a very sad time for us, something I didn’t really feel like mourning publicly when it happened. She could no longer negotiate steps, puked after she ate, couldn’t squat to pee, etc. and was just miserable. She was the only dog I ever had and the best dog I’ve ever known.

It took two months, but the kids finally broke my resolve and we picked another puppy up from the pound. Meet the newest Simpson, Buddy the Dog.

Woof

Buddy isn’t just doing a Jeffrey Leonard impression for the photo. He really does always have one ear perked up and the other folded down. One Labrador ear and one Shepherd ear… perfect for a mutt born to a stray mom who we found at the Humane Society. We are trying to hold off on people food (as in BBQ scraps) for as long as possible. The kids seem to have taken a shine to him, though.

Someone loves their new puppy

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Mushroom Misfortune

My semi-ambitious Super Bowl BBQ Menu included a stuffed mushroom appetizer. I was psyched to try this recipe.

A 10 oz. package of baby portabella mushrooms gives you about 14 bellas. It’s easy enough to pry out the stems with a little finger pressure to the side, done while washing them under some running water.

Clean and ready to get stuffed

You only need half of a 4 oz container of crumbled gorgonzola. Each baby bella will only take 3-5 big crumbles. You need room for the muffaletta salad.

Salty hash

Muffaletta salad is basically a chopped mixture of olives and other antipasto. This one had a couple types of olives, artichoke hearts, pimento, among other things. It makes a great sandwich spread with salami. Each mushroom got a heaping tablespoon of the salad. Then I wrapped everybody in bacon.

About to meet a tragic end...

I have made this recipe before in the oven with no bacon, mozzarella in place of gorgonzola, and olive tapenade instead of muffaletta. It’s a quick, simple appetizer that’s rich in flavor (and sodium).

The BBQ plan was to put these on a wood soaked cedar plank and give them 15 minutes or so on indirect heat. I assembled all of the mushrooms on the plank, set it on the counter, and went outside to check on the other food already on the grill.

Unfortunately, the family dog had acquired a taste for bacon after eating her Super Bowl BBQ doggie treats. While I was tending to the Weber 22″, Sam got on her hind legs and ate 12 of the 14 raw bacon-stuffed mushrooms. I caught her in the act and blurted out something along the lines of “Holy shit, Sam, what the hell are you doing?” or perhaps something far more profane.

Prime Suspect, caught in the act (File Photo)

I tossed the dog slobber-covered cedar plank. I cooked the survivors indirectly with some hickory smoke for about 10 minutes. They were great.

The thing to remember about this appetizer is its saltiness. Bacon, muffaletta salad, gorgonzola cheese … all salty. This is a high sodium appetizer, so have a beer in hand to wash things down accordingly. And keep the damn dog in the basement.

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BBQ Bonus: Dog Treats

I always wanted a dog growing up, but we never had one. The day we bought a house, I got a dog.

We went to the APA and found Sam (short for Samantha) at the end of July 2004. The people at the APA theorized that she was a Christmas 2003 puppy.

The dog did not like me at all. We know she came from a family with children, so the theory was that the father did not like her and finally had it before taking her to the pound. It took some time, but the dog became an integral part of the family.

Dog... not a horse

The kids love the dog. They feed her, pet her, lay on her, sit on her, etc.

Good dog!

In the past few months, she has started acting strangely. After a series of frustrations, the vet tells us the dog has Cushing’s Disease. This means her poor behavior is organic, not related to her acting out.

So, out of sheer pity, I made her some BBQ dog treats.

Dog Treats Pre-Wrap

I took some bacon and bologna and put a Large Milk Bone dog treat in the middle. The bacon wrapped around it all into a knot.

Doggie treat on the grill

It cooks indirectly for a while. You may want to cook it sideways to get the bacon knot cooked thoroughly.

More effort than I should be expending

The end result was nice.

Yum yum

The kids liked giving it to Sam. The treats were well-received.

Sitting... waiting...

Patience... amazing patience

nom nom nom nom!!

NB: The dog got on her hind legs and ate the olive muffaletta salad / gorgonzola cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped baby portabella mushrooms as they sat on a cedar plank waiting for the BBQ. Shit.

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