Beer Drinking Tip

Pro Tip for anyone interested in downing one of these:

Hey, that looks good! What could go wrong?

Hey, that looks good! What could go wrong?

Don’t use one of these thingys to open the Stella:

For beans, tomatoes, and Chef Boyardee ONLY!

For beans, tomatoes, and Chef Boyardee ONLY!

Or else you will wind up with the following handy skin-removal kit:

Not suitable for rapid, violent application to the finger.

Not suitable for rapid, violent application to the finger.

The end result is the shearing of a nearly dime-sized, quite deep of a section of epidermis. It will bleed profusely and soak through any gauze you might have in your house, besides stinging like a MFer. Fail, indeed:

OW

OW… Not clotted after two hours!

There was discomfort involved. This wasn’t a stitches kind of injury, for there was nothing to stitch. Instead, bleeding all over the damned place, with the nearby Urgent Care closed for the night, I went to the hospital ER like a fool.

What a sensible, attractive bandage job.

What a sensible, attractive bandage job.

After nearly three hours and a $150 copay, Dr. Friendly applied something called Hyper-Stinging Discomfort Mesh and wrapped up my hand so that it looks like I had flipped off the wrong angry biker on the highway.

Now I get to wear this in the shower:

Totally normal.

Totally normal.

Bonus Tip:

If you want to be ridiculed the entire trip for your failure to successfully negotiate the Stella Artios bottle cap, have this guy drive you to the hospital:

Not sympathetic to clumsy stupidity

Not sympathetic to clumsy stupidity

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