Within the last 7 days, someone entered this search term: garlic clove taken anally
A search engine brought that jackass here. WTF?!
The repugnant mutant that entered that search needs a proctologist and psychiatrist – STAT!
simpson bbq
an amateur's love affair with pork and beer
Monthly Archives: October 2012
Happy Halloween
Nothing BBQ-related to report. Have a safe Halloween, people.
Boo
In unrelated news, I think we found the Christmas card photo, a record two months early.
Avengers Assemble! Not quite…
For anyone interested, my fake blood recipe: 30 oz reddish/pink dish soap (grapefruit scented), a bunch of red food dye, a little less green food dye, a tablespoon of flour, and a packet of cocoa mix.
Drink This Beer: Schlafly Tasmanian Style IPA
People don’t come here for beer recommendations, at least according to my search term metrics. Nonetheless, I have been drinking a lot of different beers lately with an eye towards reviewing them. Usually something catches my eye in the store and I snag it. In the case of Schlafly Tasmanian Style IPA, I heard of and sought out this beer.
At a pricer-than-many-other-sixers-but-still-reasonable $8.99, Schlafly priced this one right. I bought a six pack and gave it a shot.
The much-ballyhooed TIPA
I’ve heard a lot about the TIPA: I’ve seen many Twitter posts discussing it; Rate Beer .com gave it a freaking 95!; and Beer Advocate followed up with a very respectable 89. Let’s see if this is worth the fuss.
In a rookie jackass move, I poured some into a frosty frozen mug. Yes, I’m sure a tulip glass is probably the more appropriate vessel, but I like my beer in the mug or right out of the glass bottle.
TIPA in a mug… should have gone for the tulip glass
The aroma is very inviting. Not a strong hop blast like so many IPAs, even though it has a 7.2% ABV. It has a restrained bitterness in the smell, with a fruity… basically citrusy hop note. Grapefruit notes are strong in these hops, at least on my amateur palate.
Poured aggressively into the wrong frozen glass, it gets a huge head. Later samples straight from the long neck bottle give a more reserved frothiness. Again, I am making a rookie mistake. The first few sips are off… perhaps it’s the uber-cold mug. Trying it from the bottle lets me enjoy the truer flavors.
This is a cliche term when it comes to beers, so I hesitate to use it, but this is a very well-balanced beer. It has the right amount of hoppiness, the right crisp ale sensation across the back and sides of my tongue, a wonderful finish. I have to say that Schlafly really knocked it out of the park on this one.
The relatively higher ABV is kind of… sneaky. You don’t expect it with the hop profile.
Hard to imagine, but this is my new favorite IPA from Schlafly, overtaking the APA. You can really appreciate the craft of making craft beers with the Tasmanian IPA, so named for the Australian hops used in the beer’s making.
Yet again Schlafly fails to disappoint. My recommendation for Schlafly’s Tasmanian Indian Pale Ale: Drink This Beer
The Crooked Path To Simpson BBQ
Once again, I will share some of the amazing search terms that brought people to my humble BBQ & beer blog.
The most popular entry, by a very large margin, is my tutorial on how I turned some unsightly industrial refuse into the ugly drum smoker known as Big Blue. The next two are my parboiled pork ribs (I’m sorry, BBQ world) and my experiment with cedar planking rainbow trout.
After that, it’s a random mixture of BBQ or beer-related posts. My plea to eliminate the kicking game from fantasy football is a top 10 blog post. A lot of people hate kickers…
I doubt anyone reads these search term posts – they’re just really amusing to me to write. On to your search terms:
“drinking beer accelrates male baldness” – Dear God, is that true?! Explains a few things, though.
“indian casting couch hardcore” – Excuse me, what? Did a search engine really bring you here? And this person abandoned their search and clicked on my blog! Horny to hungry that fast.
“olive oil lube” – Is this the same guy as above?
“bell’s oberon mini keg directions” – (1) Open, (2) Consume, (3) Recycle.
“bell’s oberon ale mini-keg trouble shooting” – See above.
“my lager is pale” – My appetite is whetted
“where can i get large 55 gal metal drums” – I think you mean “where can I get CLEAN NON-TOXIC AND/OR FOOD-GRADE large 55 gal metal drums.” Be safe.
“what can you put on pecan wood to stop it from creating smut on the chicken you cook?” – I got all of that except “smut”. What the hell are you talking about? I like smut, but on Cinemax after 11pm, maybe with some BBQ & beer. Smut on chicken sounds weird, inedible, and illegal.
“what pork rib resembles a chicken leg” – A mutant one?
“abandon bbq pits” – Now I’m a little sad… I need to be cheered up.
“crying ku fan” – ha ha
“todd reesing grass in helmet failure” – bwahahaha
“awful bbq food” – I direct you to this post, my friend.
“what to wear booze cruise” – Great question. It all depends. Are you a member of the Minnesota Vikings, or some random guy from the Midwest on your honeymoon? Is your boat leaving an Arab country, or Jamaica? Lots of variables here.
“what part of the cow does fajita come” – Flank steak is common, but I’m sure many cuts are suitable. I’ve heard beef tongue makes amazing tacos and fajitas. I just can’t convince anyone in my house to eat it if I make it.
“big flats beer” – One of my favorite blog entries.
“jesus smoking ring joke” – I haven’t heard that one. Now I’m curious… may have to do my own Google search.
“simpsons bbq kiss the cook” – Thanks, but I’m married.
Don’t think I’m mocking my random readership. I genuinely enjoy learning how every sub-literate pervert finds this site.
Brewery Restaurant Review: Kirkwood Station Brewing Company
Last Friday night, after some 30th birthday (not mine) revelry, a group of us went down to the Kirkwood Station Brewing Company in… (wait for it) Kirkwood.
Do have a beer flight? Damned straight. Let’s line ’em up.
Now that’s a flight of beers
Uh, these are 13 massive 4-5 ounce beers. The volume of beer blows away the portions in my earlier beer flights. They run the gamut from light to dark, with seasonals in between. I’m excited, even though I’ve already had dinner and a few drinks.
Here is the beer list, and I’ll review them in order:
That’s a lot of beers
Sugar Creek Lager – Meh… low carbonation for a light beer, mild and not very flavorful. Too watery for me.
Blackberry Wheat – Good blackberry flavors, but kind of flat. Fruitier than I typically care for in my berry beers. I’ll take a Framboise Lambic over this any day.
Belgian Witte – True Belgian beer flavors! Slightly bitter aftertaste lingers, but it’s a decent beer.
English Pale Ale – A nice English-style ale, with a strong hop aftertaste. The aroma and color are very appealing.
Altbier – Best beer so far. Nice fruity and spicy flavors and aromas, light and crisp with a good body. Smooth, enjoyable aftertaste. I want more of this one.
Brown Ale – Decent brown ale with strong (strong!) grain flavors, good color and aroma, clean taste. Nicely effervescent for a brown ale.
Pumpkin – Seriously major pumpkin pie aromas. Good mild effervescence and a nice appealing combination of color and aroma. I drink a lot of pumpkin beers, but this one is probably the closest thing I have ever drank (beer-wise) to a pumpkin pie.
Burst Hop Blonde – Very fruity aroma, very hoppy palate. This is a really good beer, certainly worth getting again as a stand alone pint.
Oatmeal Stout – Not good… not good at all. This beer tastes like horrifically charred BBQ. I don’t know what happened here. This may be, and I really hesitate to say this… the single worst beer I’ve ever had in my life. Some other people at the table took sips and I should have photographed their “Eww, Gross” faces.
IPA – A good choice to wash that nightmare Oatmeal Stout off of my palate. Super bitter, with a good hop aroma. Very heavy-handed on the hops. My taste buds are all messed up now, though, from that last beer.
Ryely Hoppy – In my notes for this beer, I wrote (at about 1:00 am after many beers) “SUPER HOPPY!”, blowing away the other hopped beers. I can’t pick up on any fruit or other flavors.
In summation, there were some stars (Burst Hop Blonde, Pumpkin, and Altbier), some less-than-stars (Ryely Hoppy, Sugar Creek Lager, and Blackberry Wheat), and a completely unmerciful abomination (Oatmeal Stout).
I didn’t get any food, since I had already eaten, it was midnight, and I was bloated from thirteen 4.5 oz beers and the drinks I had before getting to Kirkwood Station.
A solid brewery that has some good beers. I’ll be back for sure. Focus on kicking ass on the good beers, and improving the others. Scrap that bad one… I dare not speak its name again. Back to the ol’ drawing board on that one.
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